When you look at the smoke rising from the pipe,
It’s like your soul lifting from your body.

When I look at myself –
Like broken glass hidden deep within me –
I know how my mom felt right before she left –
Like I have a bunch of sharp objects
Ripping my insides apart.

When I look at my boyfriend,
It’s like you’re in a boat
And all of a sudden a big wind comes
And water is going over the sides
And you can’t go anywhere.

Smoking meth is like looking at yourself in the mirror
And not being able to do anything about it –

Like I was a kite and
Someone else had a hold of the end of the string –

Like I was a marionette
And somebody (I should say something)
Else was controlling me –

Like I was in a car accident,
Sitting in the passenger seat
And all you can do is watch it happen –

Like I was in a video game,
Watching yourself be played.

I look back on it and it’s like a movie.
It’s like everything is being played in slow-mo –
Like somebody is freeze-framing my life.

Dedicated to my family