My Eating Disorder, I Talk Back

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My Eating Disorder, I Talk Back
by S.

EATING DISORDER: You don't deserve to eat today. You're fat.

ME: You're right. I don't deserve to eat.

E.D.: You feel better with me -- more in control.

ME: I wish that I knew a way to like myself more.

E.D.: I'm right here. I'll make you like yourself more. Just listen to what I say, and you'll feel much better.

ME: I feel safe with you, like I'm protected by people who love me. But I realize that there's more important things than just being with you. I have others who love me.

E.D.: You don't deserve to eat. You're fat.

ME: That is what you think, but that's not true. I do deserve to eat. I deserve to be in control of my own self.

E.D.: Do you see yourself living life happy in your body right now? You're trying to fight me. I know you are. But stop pretending. You can't make it without me.

ME: If I said I didn't love you, I'd be totally faking it. Instead I want to tell myself that I love you, but things aren't working out between us. It's time for a divorce.

E.D.: You'll regret the next bite you take.

[To this day, I still struggle with him in my head, but I feel stronger now that my conversations with him can be more productive. I have a voice now.]

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My Eating Disorder, I Talk Back

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