Journey There and Home - 2

by JP

Things weren’t perfect for me in Oz.

First, I was carried there in a tornado of  addiction and abuse.

I landed in a strange Munchkin Land that had all the drugs I wanted -- and the guy I supposedly loved who beat me.

Like Dorothy when her house fell on a witch, I accidently hurt someone whenever I took that next hit and would fight with my father and go out overnight.

Flying monkeys were mad at me, and  they told me to leave the guy and get clean.

My imperfect friends let me down by robbing my house, stealing my daughter’s things, and sleeping with my man.

I kept believing in a witch who told me over and over that I’ll never make it on my own if I leave him.

I had the false idea that I needed a man, my daughter’s father, to get through life, selling and smoking drugs. Even to feel like a woman.

THERE

*****
But now a good witch is on my side, who says: "Only you can take care of you, and you need to take charge of your life now."

Although I have friends who will try to get me get high again and try to suck me back into that lifestyle, I also have friends who won’t hesitate to be there for me.

On the Yellow Brick Road I hoped to be a strong woman and mother and to take care of myself without a man and drugs.

I wore out the ruby slippers that once represented my old lifestyle of drugs and abuse.

Of course I had the answer in my heart all the time, which was that I didn’t need drugs or an abusive man to make me a woman or to feel alive.

I was a survivor because, with all the abuse and drugs together, one or both could have killed me.

And I will never be the same because part of me is fearful of the trust and safety that I once felt.

And I will always be grateful for my loving family and daughter. They were, and always will be, there for me.

And I will always worry about any damage that may have affected my daughter, through all the drugs and abuse that she witnessed.

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