Clarity, Happiness and Loveby a young woman, age 15
I am addicted to wanting to be loved,
to be held by someone.
It feels like you’re wanted
and you’re needed.
It feels like the warmth
of the sun on your skin in the morning.
I am addicted to filling up the empty space in my heart.
I fill it with drugs or sex or liquor.
Even though I know it’s not the best thing,
I still try to fill up that empty space in my heart,
like a new house I just moved into.
I am addicted to feeling clarity,
to be sure of myself and the things around,
like a small child who’s seen her mother for the first time,
like a child who knows it’s Mom
because the child grew up within her.
The child loves her mother
no matter if her mother is in her life or not.
I know this because I don’t know my mother,
but I know she’s mine and I’m hers.
I am addicted to blaming others for my pain,
for the loss of my life, and for not having my mother.
I feel anger and hurt when I blame others.
I blame my stepfather.
I blamed God.
But I am also addicted to not giving up.
Even when I felt worthless, I never cut my wrists when I wanted to
because I knew that God had something planned for me.
I take each day step by step
like most people do,
walking to happiness
and clarity and love.
Dedicated to my mom; I love you